I'm sorry

To whomever checks here (ha ha) for not posting, uhm, at all. :) If you do read this though, you know me a bit and know that I'm not good at keeping up with this place.

Since I've last posted, I got a new job. I work in a Pre-K Autism classroom. It's really an eye opening experience. We have six boys in our class, they all have different levels of Autism. It's really been hard to adjust. I mean, I have a brother who is severely mentally handicapped, this is so much different than that. My brother has never had aggression issues, nor any of the people in his group homes. It's strange being in a class and always having to be on guard. I've really loved working with these kids though. They've gotten under my skin and into my heart. <3

Home life is good. Juanito is playing baseball and loving it. He shows a real talent for sports. We've already signed up for Football for him, that will start this summer. Jose is going to coach. We'll see how that goes. He is a bit nervous. LOL

The kids are doing really well in school. Alejandro was accepted into the IB program and we had his ceremony on Tuesday night. He is so excited. I'm sure he will do well once he adjusts to the amount of work that will be expected from him.

Jose is really hating his job, working with the people he has to be around every day has become quite stressful. He handles it well though.

I am going to start taking classes again this summer, in addition to working summer school with my Autism kids. I need a few classes for my Bachelors. Everyone at school is pushing for me to finish school so I can teach. I'm not sure that I want to do that yet. I know that I want to teach, but I like being able to walk away as soon as the bell rings. The kids are still my main focus and until I think they can handle me not being around all the time, I will look into teaching. I don't have the time to dedicate to writing IEP's and behavior plans right now. Maybe in a few years.

I am going to try and start getting over here to post more often. It helps me remember what is going on in my life. My memory is failing me (another reason I need to finish my degree). :P

Disney World April 2008

Photobucket Album

Been awhile

I've been busy but not. You ever have times like that? I feel that time is going crazy fast but nothing is getting done. LOL.

Father's Day........I miss my Dad a lot. I talked to him a few times on the phone yesterday. I talk to him about four or five times a week, sometimes more.

I got Jose a digital picture frame, a book (Dangerous stuff or something like that), a keyboard for WoW (sigh), a bluetooth (well, we both got them, tee hee), and lunch out at Chili's yesterday. I even graciously followed him around the sporting goods store with all four kids in tow. Not my idea of fun but hey. LOL

I'm anxiously awaiting the end of the month so that we can visit my Dad. He has tons of stuff planned for while we are there. I'm just looking forward to seeing him. YAY! The kids are excited too.

Next week Jose is off to school (again) for a week. Right after he gets back we are off to Oklahoma.

My job is going well. I'm bored spitless, but it's a change from being surrounded by kids all day. LOL. It's strange though, I really, really miss the kids and I'm looking forward to school starting again. I so need a vacation though.

That's my update for now.

Do I look younger to you?

Today we visited the Ponce de Leon Cold Spring in Ponce de Leon Florida. It is about an hour and a few away from our house. We had a great time, except for the FREEZING ass water. The water temp there year round is 68 degrees. Do you know how cold that is? OMGosh! Seriously, it's cold. Your body kind of goes numb with that pins and needles feeling when you get it. You cannot, CANNOT go into the water a bit at a time. You have to dive right in.

The kids caught a crawdad, it was a baby one. I wish I'd have had the camera with me, but I didn't. Alyssia wanted it to pinch her, she Alejandro held it out.....it grabbed onto her finger and she screamed so loud, I swear I about wet myself. She wasn't hurt, it just pinched a bit. She flung that sucker through the air. It was hilarious!

We took two coolers with us and had a picnic lunch at the park. It was beautiful there. I swear it's a hillbilly holiday though. We saw more people that needed dental work than I've seen in one place in a LONG time.

Next time we'll have to take Sammie (our dog) we didn't know that dogs are welcome there. :( Next time she's coming with us!

Check out the slide show for pics of our day.

Ponce de Leon Cold Springs

Photobucket Album

I'm a number cruncher!

My new job consists of crunching numbers! I hate numbers. Bleh. This is great job experience though.

I got a call today from the school where I work. They want me to work summer school. I had to tell them no. :( It would have been more money, closer to home, less days a week, but.........I already obligated myself to this job, so I feel I should follow through. Sigh. It was a tough call. I'm really enjoying not spending all day with kids though, it makes me appreciate my kids more. I actually want to spend time with my kids now. Tomorrow we are going to the beach. YAY.

I've decided to go back to the school in the fall though. I love being on the same schedule. I think I've talked about this already though.

We are going to Oklahoma to see my Dad in July. We leave here the end of June and will be gone for two weeks. I'm so excited!! It will have been just about a year since I've seen my Dad. I'll also get to see Sally. :D

We are all ready for a break from the daily grind. I didn't even get a day off between jobs. I just started Monday and school ended Friday. Whew, I'll be glad for a break.

Dad has all kinds of fun stuff lined up for the time we'll be there. A ball game on the 4th of July, a trip to the go carts (which we all LOVE), the zoo, and lots of other stuff. We don't need to be entertained, we want to spend time with him! He totally digs on doing this stuff though. I think we'll even take the kids to the Oklahoma City Memorial again. They don't remember going since it was right after we moved there.

Off to bed, work in the am. Dang sometimes being a grown up is a drag.

Oh, wish us luck, results for Master come out in two weeks. Cross those fingers for us, please!! We really, really need this. If Jose makes Master, we get to move right into base housing. YAY. So, please, say those prayers for us.

Happy Mother's Day

We celebrated yesterday because Jose is off to Little Rock for six days. A military thing, shh, don't ask. If I told you why he's there, I'd have to kill you and I don't have enough air miles. :P

I was really thrilled with my Mother's Day. We had a great day. I got a few things I really wanted, a few things I didn't know I wanted till I had, and a great meal at the Hibachi. Mmm. The kids love days we celebrate me. LOL. They get to eat out on those days.

I had to get up and take Jose to the airport (if you can call it that) and he said to me, "What a great Mother's Day, you get to drive me to the airport." It made me sad because my Mother's Day was yesterday and he felt that he had somehow done something wrong by leaving today. I love that man.

I haven't called my Mother yet. I dread it. When I talk to her I feel that I have to entertain her. Keep her laughing so I don't have to hear how "sad and lonely" she is. Self inflicted lonliness should not count. PERIOD. I don't want to hear that her life is shit. I'm sorry, it's hard enough to keep myself floating above depression without hearing about hers and being backhandedly blamed for it.

So HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY world. Ha ha. My life is a comedy.

Random musings

1. Why do the Mario characters on Super Smash Brothers look like The Village People in training?

2. Why are Doritos's so dang addicting?

3. Why do I have to crave chocolate when my period is coming? Why can't I crave exercise or water?

4. Why does it feel like a school year lasts an eternity?

5. Why can't some people give up control of a NON-Profit organization? Especially after lamenting to any and all people that they're tired of it?

6. Why can't some people grow up?

7. Why isn't it legal to retire (shoot) people whose gene pools are too shallow to procreate?

8. Why can you not give up your monthlies once you are done having kids? I'd like to donate mine to a woman who can't have them.

9. Isn't it funny that it is ILLEGAL to talk on your cellphone while driving, yet I see police doing it all the time?

10. Why is racial profiling and legislated racism okay?

11. Why do people say the United States is the greatest country in the world, then COMPLAIN about some of the freedoms we DO have?

And another thing >:(

I get really pissed at people on a certain site that think the entire universe revolves around them. Never there for anyone else, never reply to people, yet come to this place and expect people to fawn all over them. WTH?

Why is it that life is feeling more and more like a year in Elementary school?

Everyone has issues, hell, I'm toting a bag full of them myself. 99% of my life is kept inside this house we pay an ungodly amount of money to live in till we get base housing.

I just don't get the whole: I'm going to spill my guts to the universe about every bowel movement, issue/non issue in my life. Are people that bored? Are they that insecure? Are they that needy?

Being something of a loner, I don't get it. I rarely open myself to true friendship, when I do, it's for life. I'm like one of those animals that mate for life I guess. Once I've taken you into my confidence, you're in. A few exceptions to that rule would be people that change after you get to know them. The honeymoon ends and they are psycho bitches or something. There is only room for one psycho bitch in my friendships and I've CORNERED that market, thanks.

Anyway, back on tangent. I start to distance myself from certain places online because I want to say something extremely mean and hurtful in the hopes that some will go away forever. So....let me wave my magic wand and beat the shit out of people with it. Will that work for you? No? Well, at least it makes ME feel better.

11.5 days left, repeat, 11.5 days left

We have that many days left of school. YAY! I'm one of those weird parents that likes when the kids are home from school. I love the fact that I won't have to get up and rush around yelling at the kids to get out the door. I love that we'll get to visit my Dad, who I miss so much I hurt. I love the fact that we are now in a place where we can drive down the road a few miles and sit on a white sand beach all day.

I don't like the fact that I will not have an income during the summer. Yikes! That really scares me. I'm trying to find something that will get me through the summer, I just haven't yet.

Things are crazy busy around here. Between soccer for two kids, Band Boosters (which I am President of), end of year activities at three schools and work, I am flat out exhausted.

I feel like I am home one night a week. I want to sit here and not have the phone ring. Is that too much to ask?

My IL's want the kids to fly out to Cali ON THEIR OWN. Yeah, not happening. I am not putting my four kids on an airplane with layovers (two) to send them across the country. Just not gonna happen. I'm the big baddie because I won't let my kids fly without an adult present. Elizabeth is too young to have to be responsible for her three siblings like that. Jose has lost his mind and seems to think it's ok. Well, it's not.

Of course I'd like for the kids to be able to visit family, of course I'd like to have time where Jose and I could be alone for a month. Of course I would LOVE to get the kids out there. Just not like this. It would also make it easier for me not to work if they are not here eating us out of the house. I just can't feel good about this in my heart, so the answer is a resounding NO. Am I a bad person? I don't think so. I'd like to think not anyway. I know that I am not a terrific person, but in this I will not waiver.

Anyway, all I can think about right now is the 11.5 days of work I have left.

Do you ever feel like the words "I love you"

don't convey your true feelings? I think that "I love you" is so overused. You know, "I love that" or "love you" just don't show the true depth of your feelings.

It's strange but when I think of Jose I get this feeling in my chest, almost a pressure or tightness. No, I'm not having a stroke or heart attack. I find it difficult to explain. I even tell him that what I feel is so much BIGGER than words. I'd still like to find some. Does anyone else feel this?

How can we have come this far? We started dating when I had just turned 16, seeing each other but not going "steady" since I was 15. Over half of my life has been spent with Jose. I'm truly addicted to him. I just can't get enough.

I feel so lucky to have found "THE ONE" when I was too young and stupid to realize it. We have each grown and changed, we've had some really difficult times, and yet we always find our way back to each other. Our commitment to each other is bigger than anything else. Our dedication is truly amazing. How can we have gotten this lucky?

I get scared sometimes, thinking about what we have. Our lives are blessed. I really do believe that. We may never be able to do everything or have everything that we want, hell, sometimes we don't have the things we need. We find a way to work through every day.

Every new day has piled on the last and it has gotten us to where we are now. To be honest, there were times that we've each wanted to quit. We didn't and don't have that fairy tale life. It's not even a reality to expect or want that fairy tale. Not really. But, what we have I would never change.

An ode to my love. Love is bigger than who we are. Love is what we live, every single day.

So much to do, so little time

Jose is away at school in Texas. :( I miss him. I'm tired of being apart so often. Yeah, it's been a year since he got back from the sandbox that isn't fun, but it still seems like we can't have a continuous family life for more than a year. I'm glad it's only three weeks and that he is still stateside, but I miss him.

He did go visit my Dad and get to hang out with him. That's cool but I'm jealous. I wanna see my Dad!! ((Stamping foot)) They went to an ice hockey game and hung out doing guy things. Fun!! Oh, and ate at all our favorite places in OKC. :P

The kids are doing well, the little two are playing soccer so our weeknights have gotten busy. Our Saturdays are spent at the soccer field instead of the bed, but hey, it's fun!! I love seeing my kids out there running and having fun.

So much death has been around us lately too. A woman I work with died a few weeks ago, it was really sad. Then late Wednesday night, a woman I work with lost her neice in a tragic car accident. The car accident was a three car accident, two cars exploded on impact and three people died. My co-workers neice was 20. So much potential, so very sad. Then my Dad said that a family friend lost her Mother, the funeral was today. My Gramma Chole was friends with the woman. My Gramma is having a harder and harder time, she is losing her friends left and right, there aren't many of them left. Gramma has a pacemaker and is forgetful. I worry about her.

Sorry to get off track there. It's just easier for me to spill it all out on the page.

I've learned that we must cherish every single moment we are given, we never know when we will lose ourselves or our loved ones. Life is so precious.

Hopefully the next update will be sooner and a lot more cheerful.

Happy 8th Birthday Baby Girl!!

It's Alyssia's birthday. Wanna know how we are celebrating? By treating her for LICE. Yep, there is a serious breakout at the Elementary school and I saw her scratch her head. I decided to check her, yup, there they are. I only found two live lice and a few eggs. So she hasn't been infected for long. TG!

Poor baby gets to spend her 8th birthday being treated for lice. Sigh.

She had a great party, we all lived through the sleepover. I'm tired, the kids are tired, but we lived. YAY.

Alyssia got a great scooter for her birthday and money.

Anyway, there it is. Oh, I didn't have lice. YAY. Every time E got lice at school, I ended up with it too. Not this time. Knock wood. I'll be wearing my hair up for a while at school.

I'm either up for Mom of The Year or Insanely Stupid

So, Alyssia's birthday is tomorrow, she is having a sleepover tonight. There are two little girls here, along with my four kids. These two girls that are sleeping over are insanely LOUD. These are the girls that at school, will NOT look at you because they are sooooooooo shy. Yeah right. It's all an act. They are running through the house and kitchen (which is a BIG no no in my house) screaming, laughing, and jumping on my furniture. Uh yeah, Alyssia may not live to see birthday number 8 tomorrow.

I have sent them to her room a number of times to hear the shouting through the closed door. My daughter is no angel, in fact she has horns under that luscious brown hair. However, she knows how to behave. Not today. I think she took a dump and her brain fell out her bottom.

I'll try and post an update if I live through the madness, or, if I'm not in jail after mass murder. :P

Finally updating

In a sense, I've had a lot going on, but not much that is "blog worthy", lol. I've been working, but I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm not really doing the kids much good.

My schedule has changed AGAIN. I now spend 15 minutes with each group, ranging from 4-8 kids, I read with them to get their fluency and comprehension up since that is what is being pushed around here, fluency. But, fluency equals fast reading to the people around here. To me fluency means reading well, not quickly. Another battle for another day. I see these kids daily and it is getting tiring. I am running and running and actually spend more time with kids than the teachers. The teachers have their planning time (45 minutes) while the kids are at "special centers" aka P.E. or Art, then the kids are at lunch for 40 minutes. We are in school from 8 am to 2 pm. So, the teacher is with the kids for about four to four and a half hours. Depends on what else is going on. I just think if the teachers/staff are serious about getting our "grade" up, we need to spend more time working on the fundamentals and less time (3 times a week in art, 2 times a week in PE).

Anyway, that's my rant for that. I'm sad our school is going from a C to a D. Sigh.

The kids are doing well, now that Jandro has pulled his grades up. The little two have been signed up for soccer, that starts in a few weeks. Alyssia's birthday is coming up. Jose's birthday is next week. I'm trying to talk Jose into a Disney World trip for Spring Break. We'll see how that pans out.

We are finally getting out this weekend to explore some of our surroundings. By surroundings I mean the outlet shops in Destin. LOL

The weather has been cold here, I think we brought it with us from Oklahoma. Sigh. Where is the sunshine??? Isn't this supposed to be the "Sunshine State"?

I'll update soon. Just not in the mood right now.

Update will be coming this weekend. All about report cards, my twisted ankle, Sally NOT visiting because of a freak ice storm expected this weekend.

Just not right now. Not like anyone reads this. LOL

Happy 2007, and other ramblings

Well, first off, Happy New Year, blah, blah, blah. I'm really excited about this upcoming year. NOT. LOL

Maybe I shouldn't blog first thing in the morning. :P

New Years Eve was uneventful. Jose and I went out to eat at a bar and grille, it was so-so. We watched the 9'ers blow the Bronco's out of playoff contention (SWEET), came home and vegged out.

We are in a new place, we are so OVER going to a club to bring in New Years. We did in past years in Altus, but, we lived 3 miles from base, had friends to go out with, and a sure ride home. lol

I don't DO resolutions, so we won't go there. K?

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. I feel like a kid again, I guess that comes with working at an Elementary school. lol

I am looking forward to the kids going to school, too bad for me that means I'm back at the grind too.

Sally is coming to visit me soon! YAY!! ((She is my best friend and has been for a VERY long time) So, I'm excited about that. I wish I had some money though. LOL. She'll be here for a long weekend. I'm so excited to see her. Last time I saw her she was getting into her car in Oklahoma City and we were both bawling like babies. Well, I was bawling like a baby. I think she was too but I didn't see her face though my tears.

Sally and I met in England. She was married to an AF guy, I was married to Jose. We lived in Beck Row where we had bought our house and they were renting around the corner. Alejandro was three and had just started in British school. Her son Nathan had also started there. Our boys have been friends since three years old. Sally and I became friends then too. She divorced and moved to Snyder, OK. We stayed in England. We transfered to Altus AFB in OK, just twenty miles from Snyder. So, that was good. :) For five years we talked, went shopping, talked, hung out, etc. She saved my sanity! lol

So now, I live in Florida and I miss her like crazy. I am so happy that she's coming to see me. We'll go to the outlet mall, hang out, and time will go way too fast.

Christmas has come and gone

I love Christmas. I love our traditions that we've had since the beginning of our marriage. The going to pick and cut down our own tree, eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve, the memories that come with unpacking and decorating our tree. It's such a joyful time of year.

Then of course comes the "I want" phase. I truly despise how commercialized Christmas has become. I loathe the Christmas decorations in stores that start before Thanksgiving. I don't like the Christmas music that starts in early November. I don't like how adults and children everywhere start to create lists of things they want for Christmas.

I love seeing our kids faces when they wake up Christmas morning and see that Santa has come. Seeing them tear into the presents with glee. I don't like that after there is a huge mess to clean up and the let down that comes after Christmas. LOL

We had a great Christmas. The kids got the Wii (it is a ton of fun) and a few games to go with. Jose is loving it too, he turns into a big kid when a game system is around. LOL. I love that his computer has been silent for a few days. No WoW, yay!!

I hate that Jose feels that my Christmas was lacking because I didn't have a ton of stuff to open. I loved my Christmas. I didn't/don't care that I didn't have a ton of stuff. I love the shopping and giving for others. I loved seeing the kids faces when they opened the Wii (it was the very last gift). Seeing their excitement and joy, it is the best gift of all.

I too wish that I could have given Jose a ton of stuff. I know that his Christmas's as a child weren't great. He mainly got socks and underwear as gifts. I wish that I could show him how much he is appreciated and loved by having a room full of presents for him. We just don't have the means. Jose feels that by not having lots of stuff for me that he isn't supporting us, or that he doesn't make enough. He feels that he isn't providing enough. I wish that he could see inside my heart to know that he is the best gift I could ever have.

Having him home this year is the best gift. Last year was a sad, sad Christmas for us. He was deployed to Kyrgyzstan and we were in Oklahoma without him. This year we are in Florida and we are together. I just wish he knew in his heart how important that is to us all. Being a complete family is the best gift of all.

We've had no serious illness this year, we have a home, two vehicles, we are provided for, we have love. These are the things that I wish people would focus on during the holidays. How lucky we are! There are other Military families grieving and suffering right now. People who's lives are torn apart. We are whole. We are together. We are blessed. We truly are.

Blessings for peace and joy in the year to come to everyone! I wish everyone a year of gladness and peace. If only people would realize how truly wonderful it can be to have a smooth life. Some might say uneventful, I say otherwise.

WoW an addiction that may end Jose's life.

I am so sick of WoW. I'm tired of it being a constant battle to get him to the dinner table. I'm just sad now. Sad that I can't hold his attention. Sad that he'd rather be on there ALL the damn time. That instead of living, he is playing.

I know, it could be a lot worse. He could be a drinker, cheater, or have a hobby that takes him outside the house and away. But really, he is away already. I have to repeat myself to be heard. I have to shout at him to pay attention to me or the kids.

I wish WoW would just disappear. I don't help things though, he is getting the expansion in January, I bought it for him as a Christmas present. I might as well get it myself and call it a present, he'd have bought it for himself anyway.

I'm just so over it. Sigh

Oh LORD, I'm Scared. I'm afraid, I'm, I'm, I'm.....going crayzay!

Friday was a half day at school/work. I am now home alone with ALL FOUR monsters, er, crazymakers, er, uh, demons...

Jose will make his daily escape to work at 6:20 am and not return to the pits of hell (aka home) till almost 5. I asked him last night if he could take some leave to "spend time with the family" (aka save me from the insanity of being left alone with these four we spawned). He said he'd see what he could do. I don't hold much hope. I KNOW his plan.

I would LOVE to be on unpaid vacation without the kids. It'd be just like before I started working. Ah, the days. Sadly, they are long gone and I am no longer a lady of leisure.

The plan for the next few weeks is to throw the kids out of the house as often as possible. I am so happy that we are in Florida now, where throwing them out in December is NOT considered abuse or neglect. Tee hee. It is to reach a balmy 79 degrees today. Ahhhhhh.

Now, if certain "friends" would stop persuading me to spend MONEY we'd be just fine. They shall remain nameless. Unless I have to get ugly. Cough, cough, friend in LV, cough, cough.

FREE isn't always free. Dang MM board. :P I love you ladies.

Off to do laundry. Where is that fairy Godmother when you want her???