Whirlwind trip to Cali

Over the fourth of July weekend, J's mom was put in the hospital. Her heart stopped three times, they couldn't find a reason and sent her home. Last week, she had a stress test, failed miserably. I mean, she was hooked up, stood on the treadmill, and FAILED. The doctor admitted her and wanted to run an angiogram to see if there was blockage in her heart. We knew there wouldn't be, she is very health conscious. There was no blockage. Her bp was so weak they thought she would die but she's ALWAYS had low bp. They decided to put a pacemaker in, to regulate her heartbeat and it would also control the amount of beats per minute. Friday the pacemaker was put in and Jose and I decided we needed to be there. We flew out Saturday morning.

We get there and she is pale, weak, and looking very, very bad. We knew we did the right thing by flying out. We couldn't take the kids and didn't really want them to see her like that, which was best actually. She got home from the hospital the day we arrived because she would not stay at the hospital. We got to the house before she got home from the hospital. She walked in with help from Chava (Jose's dad) and looked at us. She started to SOB. It was so gut wrenching. We knew that the expense and hardship were worth that moment alone. She clung to him like a child. She looked so small and sad. I realized her mortality at that moment. She just wouldn't let go of him, she was sobbing and it was so hard. We were all crying after that.

We spent the next two and a half days telling her to STOP trying to take care of everyone else and rest. That her body needed her to slow down. She looked better each day. When we left she was walking better than we had seen her walk in a while. She had color in her skin again, she wasn't as tired. We knew it was the best she'd been in a long time.

What is so hard to realize is, she isn't that old. She is only in her 50's, she shouldn't be this sick. It has always been Chava that had the heart problems, the one we thought we'd get that midnight call about. Now we have to readjust our view of them. Chava is taking care of Cuca now, he even cooks her meals. It is a huge change.

We came home and are trying to get ready to move out of here and get to Florida. Things are so chaotic right now. We just need to get this move done. With this new added worry, it's difficult to move further away from Cali.

My MIL told me she was sorry for all of the years of hardship she gave me. All of the things she said, everything she did to show me that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't part of the "family". She had been different to me for the last few years (5) anyway, I knew I had worked my way in. But her apologizing, it made me cry. We held each other and I feel like a daughter now. I love her and the past is over, that is what I said to her. It doesn't matter, the past is the past. Jose and his Dad were in tears too.

After 10 years of marriage I felt the shift from his family. Now it has been 14 years of marriage and I know that we are all on the right path. I feel so loved and accepted now. Even Jose's dad who wouldn't do more than grunt in my direction in the early years, hugs me, talks to me, accepts me. It was a cathartic visit for all of us. I'm so glad that so much healing could happen to us all.

I know I'll blog on this more later, I'm still tired and really just emotionally sore after this weekend. I need to let all of this sink in. It took 10 years to be accepted instead of tolerated. The last four to feel as a fringe relative, to be accepted. I know it will take some time for me to digest this new phase. I'm just really happy right now about the relationships and the way we left them in Cali.