Christmas has come and gone

I love Christmas. I love our traditions that we've had since the beginning of our marriage. The going to pick and cut down our own tree, eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve, the memories that come with unpacking and decorating our tree. It's such a joyful time of year.

Then of course comes the "I want" phase. I truly despise how commercialized Christmas has become. I loathe the Christmas decorations in stores that start before Thanksgiving. I don't like the Christmas music that starts in early November. I don't like how adults and children everywhere start to create lists of things they want for Christmas.

I love seeing our kids faces when they wake up Christmas morning and see that Santa has come. Seeing them tear into the presents with glee. I don't like that after there is a huge mess to clean up and the let down that comes after Christmas. LOL

We had a great Christmas. The kids got the Wii (it is a ton of fun) and a few games to go with. Jose is loving it too, he turns into a big kid when a game system is around. LOL. I love that his computer has been silent for a few days. No WoW, yay!!

I hate that Jose feels that my Christmas was lacking because I didn't have a ton of stuff to open. I loved my Christmas. I didn't/don't care that I didn't have a ton of stuff. I love the shopping and giving for others. I loved seeing the kids faces when they opened the Wii (it was the very last gift). Seeing their excitement and joy, it is the best gift of all.

I too wish that I could have given Jose a ton of stuff. I know that his Christmas's as a child weren't great. He mainly got socks and underwear as gifts. I wish that I could show him how much he is appreciated and loved by having a room full of presents for him. We just don't have the means. Jose feels that by not having lots of stuff for me that he isn't supporting us, or that he doesn't make enough. He feels that he isn't providing enough. I wish that he could see inside my heart to know that he is the best gift I could ever have.

Having him home this year is the best gift. Last year was a sad, sad Christmas for us. He was deployed to Kyrgyzstan and we were in Oklahoma without him. This year we are in Florida and we are together. I just wish he knew in his heart how important that is to us all. Being a complete family is the best gift of all.

We've had no serious illness this year, we have a home, two vehicles, we are provided for, we have love. These are the things that I wish people would focus on during the holidays. How lucky we are! There are other Military families grieving and suffering right now. People who's lives are torn apart. We are whole. We are together. We are blessed. We truly are.

Blessings for peace and joy in the year to come to everyone! I wish everyone a year of gladness and peace. If only people would realize how truly wonderful it can be to have a smooth life. Some might say uneventful, I say otherwise.

WoW an addiction that may end Jose's life.

I am so sick of WoW. I'm tired of it being a constant battle to get him to the dinner table. I'm just sad now. Sad that I can't hold his attention. Sad that he'd rather be on there ALL the damn time. That instead of living, he is playing.

I know, it could be a lot worse. He could be a drinker, cheater, or have a hobby that takes him outside the house and away. But really, he is away already. I have to repeat myself to be heard. I have to shout at him to pay attention to me or the kids.

I wish WoW would just disappear. I don't help things though, he is getting the expansion in January, I bought it for him as a Christmas present. I might as well get it myself and call it a present, he'd have bought it for himself anyway.

I'm just so over it. Sigh

Oh LORD, I'm Scared. I'm afraid, I'm, I'm, I'm.....going crayzay!

Friday was a half day at school/work. I am now home alone with ALL FOUR monsters, er, crazymakers, er, uh, demons...

Jose will make his daily escape to work at 6:20 am and not return to the pits of hell (aka home) till almost 5. I asked him last night if he could take some leave to "spend time with the family" (aka save me from the insanity of being left alone with these four we spawned). He said he'd see what he could do. I don't hold much hope. I KNOW his plan.

I would LOVE to be on unpaid vacation without the kids. It'd be just like before I started working. Ah, the days. Sadly, they are long gone and I am no longer a lady of leisure.

The plan for the next few weeks is to throw the kids out of the house as often as possible. I am so happy that we are in Florida now, where throwing them out in December is NOT considered abuse or neglect. Tee hee. It is to reach a balmy 79 degrees today. Ahhhhhh.

Now, if certain "friends" would stop persuading me to spend MONEY we'd be just fine. They shall remain nameless. Unless I have to get ugly. Cough, cough, friend in LV, cough, cough.

FREE isn't always free. Dang MM board. :P I love you ladies.

Off to do laundry. Where is that fairy Godmother when you want her???

I've come to some realizations

I don't like to clean, so I rarely do it.

I don't like the sound of my children's high pitched screams, but love the sound of their giggles and belly laughs.

I don't like the fighting that ensues the MINUTE they are together, but the minute I'm ready to punish them, they band together to protect the innocent and guilty.

Maybe I should have had just one, nah.

I dislike this time of year because last night I had to sit through an excrusiating 2.5 hour Band/Chorus Christmas Concert for 6,7,8th graders. The Band director was an embarassment. He has no control over those kids. Seriously, the kids were getting up during the concert to use the restroom. WTH??? This is why Band/Music should be a requirement for ALL children through 8th grade.

I love this time of year because you see more people in generous giving moods. Some of them anyway. I don't get the grumpiness some people have.

I dislike the attitude my 14 year old has most of the time. I LOVE how she is a giving person to others (mostly outside of the family, sigh). We're working on it.

I dislike that I don't get as much time with Jose as I'd like. I love it when we can sneak away and go out for wings and beer, or just out for time together, doing nothing.

I dislike that I got him to try Mocha Frapps and now he MUST have them every time I want one. :P I love that now I don't have to feel guilty when I bring it up about getting one. He brings it up a lot too. LOL

I dislike working because I'd rather be home. I love being at the school, seeing my younger two throughout the day. I love making a difference in some kids lives by helping, by caring, by being there for them.

I hate AF. There is no good side to that. My baby making days are over, AF can take a one way hike.

Geez

I'm truly surprised that people actually read this drivel. LOL.

So, this last month has seen a bit of action. Thanksgiving was kind of low key. Usually we have single Airmen over to the house to celebrate with us. Since we've moved recently, we didn't know any single Airmen that we could invite. Since Jose's squadron is small and mainly civilian, there was nobody that fit that category. It was sad. I guess in a way it was a blessing since I've been sick for going on three weeks. Thank you Elizabeth! :P

This cold I've had is going strong. I swear I have no drive to do anything but lay around and be miserable. E had it for a month, I hear that's about the average for this nasty ass-kicking bug. I'm congested and it doesn't want to come out of my nose. It drains down the back of my throat till I'm gagging. Then since it's so thick, it has to be hacked out along with half my lung.

Oh, and joy of all joys. Since I have given birth four times, my body can no longer hold my bladder and cough deeply. Yay, I've become incontinent. I thought that was something that I'd get to look forward to in my 60's and 70's. Nope, lucky me.

My birthday was Sunday. It was a really, really good day, save the cold of course. >:[ Jose and the kids really went out of their way to make it special. I got to sleep in till 11 (but then again so did Jose and the older kids). I got a Starbucks coffee grinder, a bag of beans (also from Starbucks) some of my favorite yummy lotion, and Zoo Tycoon (all three), my Sister got me a $40 gift card to Bath and Body which is being saved for the after Christmas sale ;). My Mom sent me a ginormous jewelry chest, which is strange, I don't own much jewelry. She is such a HSN addict. Sigh. So, it was a wonderful day. The only blemish was the laundry that needed to be done that day. Sigh.

Don't you ever wish that you could just step out of your life for a day? I mean, I LOVE my kids, my husband (most of the time) but...............having that certain freedom to do as you please and not answer to anyone is sometimes so tempting.

Anyway, I didn't mention that my Dad forgot my birthday. It was kind of strange, I think he's getting old. LOL. I mean, I know he has been forgetting things lately, but this was strange. I didn't say anything to him because he already does so much for us. I finally told him on Tuesday that he forgot. He felt like shit. Which is why I didn't want to tell him but Jose told me that Dad would have felt so much worse had I not told him at all and he finally remembered himself. So now Dad is beating himself up. :(

Christmas is coming and money is more than tight, which sucks. Ah, the joys of Military life. :P We're doing the best we can. Hopefully the little ones won't realize that they have less this year. Once again Dad stepped in to save the day. He sent money for the kids presents. What a great Grandpa.

So, that's about it for now. I've been lazy. Mea culpa.

Ironman

Today was the Ironman competition here in Panama City Beach. I volunteered because it sounded like fun. Little did I know that I'd be getting up at o'crack thirty. :P I was sent an email saying that I would be marking athletes with their numbers and that show time was 4:30. YIKES! Of course it was FREEZING cold. I'm talking 41 degrees when I left the house at 4 am. So, I'm all bundled up. Duh!

I didn't know what to expect because I'd never done anything like this before. I get out there and I'm handed a huge Sharpie and sent on my way. So, my job is to write the athletes number on their biceps, front of thighs, and their age on their back right calf. Oh, and it's still dark, and still way cold. BRR!

I felt kind of bad for the poor athletes, they have little to no body fat and we were making them get half naked to mark them. LOL. I had a great time and I've decided that it wasn't so bad being out there that early because I beat the traffic and was home in time to catch a nap. The best part was telling some good looking men with GREAT bodies to drop their pants. :D

It was so nice because they were so appreciative of the volunteers being there to help out. Jose and Elizabeth were out there later in the bike farm. After the first leg of the race (the swim) the people would come through to get their bikes for the 112 mile ride. Geez!! They had just finished swimming 2.5 miles, then they were riding for 112, and then a full marathon at the end of that. They have some endurance. Whoo.

It was so neat to meet so many different people. People from all over the world were here to compete. Jose and Elizabeth would hand their bikes to the people as they were coming through the bike farm. They've both said they are doing it again next year. It's so exhilarating to do something like this.

Sounds weird but it really made me feel connected to everyone around me out there. I love the rush you get from volunteering!

Now I'm off to the grocery store, snore, what a buzz kill. :P Ah, such is my life. :D

Forgot to add, there were a couple of people that really inspired me. There was a blind man who was in the race with a partner. The blind man swam 2.4 miles, when we left, he was getting on a tandem bike with his race partner. It was truly touching. So many people that are handicapped and able alike, use excuses to live their lives. Here was this man, doing things that most sighted people dare not do. There was also a 72 year old man running his first Iron Man. I swear it was the most amazing sight.

People never fail to amaze me.

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted!

Things have been going really well. If we could get out of our mountain of debt from moving here, we'd be doing great. Jose is settling in to work quite well. He is enjoying a few aspects of it now. Which is always a bonus. Now if I could get him off of WoW, that'd be wonderful.

I am settling in to my job nicely. I get a little ruffled working with some of these kids. It seems like there is no support at home and yet they expect miracles from school. Sigh. There are quite a few kids that I'm growing attached to. They are the ones that you can TELL don't get attention/love/affection at home. They are like stray animals, going to anyone that will look at them. I have to be careful and not become attached to them too much. My Dad keeps telling me that I can't save everyone. I know that it's true but to look at these kids and not feel something is just not me.

The kids are doing great in school. E had a Marching Band competition and they got straight Superiors for the 38th year in a row. Talk about pressure! YIKES. She is excited that concert season is starting. She'll get her french horn now. She wants us to buy one, but for $4000 I can think of other things that come first. Jose told her that we'd buy her one for HS graduation. We'll have to see about that!

The other kids are doing well too. It seems that the bullying has pretty much stopped for Jandro. He said they found new kids to pick on. :( I am saddened that another kid is going through what he went through. But, I'm happy that my kid is no longer their focus. :(

Home is still getting settled. We have boxes that are not unpacked. I'm hoping that we'll get into base housing before long. We'd really like to buy a house, we'll have to see what we can do about that. Unfortunately we are in a lease for a year, the only way out is to get base housing or finish the year. Housing isn't readily available though. I keep crossing my fingers!

Time to play Mama Taxi again. I'm almost looking forward to E being able to drive. ALMOST.

Juanito the artist

Juanito won an award county wide this week. The trophy is a foot and a half tall and reaches his waist. LOL. His face when he was awarded this trophy was amazing. He was called to the ITV room where the daily announcements are broadcast though CCTV into all the classes. Since I work at the school I got to see his face. He was STUNNED and so very happy. I cried. It was truly a gift to be able to see him get the award. He went up against over 1500 kindergarteners and got second place!

I found out about it yesterday and had the hardest time not telling him. After school he walked to me and he was just smiling his face off. It was so great. Looks like we have another artist on our hands.

His drawing was of a train full of animals. I will get a pic loaded up as soon as he brings the art home. I was talking with his teacher and I was saying how proud of him I was. She told me that I had to share him now, that he belonged to her too. She is so sweet. She really adores him.

:) This move is really shaping up to be the best thing that has happened to our family in a LONG time!

I have a JOB!

I was hired as a Para-Professional at the school my younger two kids attend. I'm so happy! I will be on the exact schedule that my kids are on. This is more than I could have ever, EVER hoped for. Finally my education is paying off.

I'm sad that the kids I work with don't have great foundations in education. Their parents don't check their work, give them their meds for ADD and ADHD, or get interested at all. This is so different than the schools my kids have gone to before. We are always in small communities that are Military heavy. Which means there are a lot of volunteers and helpers at the schools. I have found out that it isn't that way in the "real" world. Sigh.

I get to see my younger two kids every day in the halls. It is a fantastic feeling to be able to know that I'll always be there for the kids, just a few seconds away.

I'm getting into a routine at school. I have a space of my own. The kids come to me for their lessons. I'm meeting new people. None that I'd really consider to be friend material. Maybe that's just because I'm still new and considered an outsider. Hopefully that will get better.

I can't wait till I get my first check!! Whoo hoo. It will be so nice not to worry about money every second of every day. Maybe I'll start sleeping better! lol

Jandro, the bullies, and a broken nose

Sigh. I hate to even type this out. My loving, wonderful, caring son is being bullied on the bus and at school. He has to run to classes because he can't walk peacefully down the halls. This makes me so angry. His grades are slipping, his girlfriend dumped him (because he got into a fight defending himself) and his nose was broken.

On Friday he had his nose reset because the break was bad. Well then he swells up like a goodyear balloon. I rush him to the ER and find out that it's an allergic reaction. First ER said it was a reaction to the meds, either the antibiotic or the pain med. We get him home after four hours and two shots (one epi one bendryl for the boy who is petrified of needles). Well it takes the swelling down for a few hours. At 1 am Jose checks on him and he is majorly swollen again. Jose takes him to a different ER and four hours and 2 shots and an iv later, they say that his reaction is to the tape or splint that held his nose.

Next morning he is swollen up AGAIN, not as bad, but still not great. So, I finally get a lightbulb moment and decide that everything the tape touched (his glasses DUH MAMA) and all of his bedding get washed. He is still on benedryl every four hours but the swelling is way down and the redness is almost gone.

My poor son. I swear I lost 5 years of life with this kid. Mama bear wants to come out and rip those kids apart. He says it's getting better because the other kids have found another kid to bully. In a way that makes me REALLY sad, another part of me is glad that my kid isn't the focus any more.

I'm just so saddened that those kids feel the need to bully at all. I'm saddened by the fact that any child in this day and age is bullied. Why are there parents out there that just don't care what their kids do? The parents of the one that caused Jandro's broken nose were supposed to meet up with us for a conference at the school, they never showed. They were supposed to call and talk with us, they never did. :( Just plain sad.

Gotta get serious

Ok, since Jose has gotten home, I've gained back all the weight I lost when he was deployed. Sigh. It's time for me to get back on the ball and lose this damn weight. I am so sick of the ups and downs of fatness. Bleh. I'm sick of myself.

Time for me to get serious again. I've started doing Pilates again but I got sick last week and slacked off that. I figure if I post it on here, I'll be reminded to stay on top of it.

Jose took the kids to the beach on Saturday afternoon. I was sick so he went with the younger 3. Wiz stayed home because she had a ton of homework to catch up on. Her band went to a game that was over an hour away. The IB program is a lot more work than she's used to. She'll get the hang of it soon. She does like to complain. :(

Jandro is doing good. He seems to be taking the advanced classes pretty well. He isn't into doing hard work though. I refuse to be a parent that forces him to excell. I had too much of that crap growing up.

Alyssia seems to be enjoying 2nd grade a lot more than first. Just goes to show what a great teacher will do.

Nito is starting to READ. It was so amazing. He is really proud of himself. He came home and read to every member of the family.

I applied for a job. I'm hoping to be called tomorrow. I've applied for a Para position at the smaller two's school. Cross those fingers for me!

Finally settling down, a bit

Well, things have settled down a bit. Our trip to Cali was nice. It could have come at a better time, but it is what it is.

We got home and started unpacking boxes. Took a few days to find the dang telephones. Sigh. The packers did a crap job of packing it all up. I hate that we are in a place in our lives where we are trying to buy nice (or nicer than we used to buy) and people that move us treat it like dog crap. Our brand new bedroom set has scratches all over it. Our cedar chest that my Dad bought us is scratched and chipped. I found garage items in with my clothes. It was just not nice.

At least we haven't had any real breaks yet. We do have stuff missing, but that is to be expected. Stuff is always stolen. Gotta love Military contractors. Ex-criminals are the ones moving and packing our stuff.

The kids are settling in nicely. The schools are good. E's is REALLY awesome. She is doing some amazing stuff in Marching band. We are so proud of her.

Jandro is really taking a shine to PE. Now that his feet are in good shape and it doesn't hurt to walk/run, he is really doing well. He is such a good, kindhearted young man. :D

Alyssia is doing SO much better now that she has a teacher that gives a crap. She is excelling. I love, LOVE that there isn't a fight each morning to go to school. The dread she felt each day last year is GONE.

Juanito is loving Kinder, his teacher is as old as the hills, but she loves him so much. She tells me what a sweet little boy he is. Aww!! My wittle man! He is coming home with some raging attitude some days though. I think he is tired. :P

Jose is settling down into his job nicely. I think he likes it. He likes that it's different than anything he has done before.

I'm feebly attempting to find a job. I'd love to stay home but it is so much more expensive here. I feel like I have to contribute some monetarily.

I really miss my Dad and my best friend Sally. Things just aren't the same. Which is good in a way. We were ready for a change. I just wish that Dad and Sally could have moved with us. :D

Finally got a minute to update!!

Wow, it's been an experience!

We got to Florida a three days, staying two nights on the road. It wasn't that bad of a trip at all. We actually had a great trip, it's so different to enjoy a trip and not rush to get somewhere. The kids were great. I think it had a lot to do with the new van's dvd player. LOL. We had a portable one in the Envoy, but it is so much nicer in the van. I do miss the Envoy though. Hard to look cool in a minivan. Sigh.

We are loving the area. We got the kids enrolled in school and until we get into our rental house I have to drive the kids and pick them up. It's hard getting used to the school hours here. They all start at different times. E starts high school at 7:30, gets on her bus at 6:15 am (YEOWCH). I take the youngest two, they start at 7:50 am, then drive A who starts at 8:30. Then I have to pick the little two up at 1:50, drive to get E who gets out at 2:30, then A is out at 3. I'm a taxi.

I haven't gotten into school yet, I'm waiting till next semester, it really would have been too difficult to enroll myself right now too. We'll get settled, then I'll go back. Hopefully to State.

We took the kids to Bonita Bay, a bay that is right on the base here. It was amazing, while we were there we saw TWO DOLPHINS. The kids had been finding hermit crabs, crabs, snails, etc and I look up and there are two dolphins. It was so amazing I almost cried. The kids were so excited. What a welcome to Florida!

Last weekend we went to Mexico Beach, a little south of the base and went to the ocean. The kids loved it, except for the burning water in their eyes. :P The beach is beautiful. White sand, clean beaches, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. We are going back this weekend. I'm going to buy some boogie boards for the kids.

Jose is enjoying his new job. It's so much different that what he usually does that he has a lot to learn. Working with all civillians is much different too. He is liking the newness though. After being somewhere for 5 years, any change is hard to adjust to. He is such a creature of habit. LOL. He doesn't like the traffic. ((Roll eyes))

We all love it here though. I just can't wait till we are connected to the internet again.

I have to talk about E's school program though, we are so excited. It is called the International Bachlorriate program. She is a freshman and it is sort of a school within a school. There are only 100 other freshmen in her program. When she completes this program she'll get a free ride room and board to college. And, she could study anywhere in the world. I'm so proud of her!

A is also in a gifted program now. In Oklahoma they said his grades weren't good enough for gifted classes, but he was bored and didn't care. Here they looked at his test scores and immediately placed him in the gifted program.

The younger two are also enjoying their classes. Kinder is amazing here. The second grade teacher for A is great, so much better than what she had last year in OK. She is blooming with this teacher. They are all making friends and seem to be adjusting well. I'm so very proud of them all!

I'm having a hard time, I really miss my Dad. I loved having him so close by. A two hour trip and we were there. I guess part of the issue is him having such a hard time adjusting to us being gone. I talk to him every day on the phone. Hopefully it will get easier. He is and always has been my biggest parental support.

Time to go. I'll try and update more later. :)

Busy, busy, busy

Even though we have movers come and pack everything up and haul it all away, there is a ton of stuff that we have been doing. Cleaning out our clothing, kids clothes, stuff that has been packed away and forgotten. Things we don't need/use anymore that could put us over the weight limit for the move.

Cleaning the garage and getting everything broken down for the movers to take has been a pain. Packing everything that we are going to need to keep with us, and making sure to keep it in a special spot so the movers don't pack it.

We've also (re: I) have been looking up Realtors online, looking for places to rent once we get there. It's difficult to find a place there that we can afford. We have to decide if we want to live closer to base and the ocean and pay a lot more money, or move farther out and have Jose drive 30-40 minutes to Tyndall every day. Looking at pics online is ok, but we need to be there and walk through the houses to make a better decision. There is one that has a built in pool, that really is appealing to me. We'll have to wait and see next week.

Our internet is being turned off tomorrow morning early, so this is it for a while. I might be able to post a bit from the road if I can find someone that doesn't have a secure network or we have free internet at one of the hotels along the way.

We'll see how my sanity holds up.

Moving very soon!

Well Jose scheduled the movers. They are coming next week. Thursday to pack, Friday to take all of our stuff away. I called and scheduled the phone/internet to be turned off on Thursday, same with DirectTV. Wow, it all seems like it just kind of snowballed.

When we move usually from overseas, we have tons of time. The movers come and pack us out and take it all away two months before we leave, we have six months notice that we would return stateside. Now, it's crazy. We are going to move 1000 miles away and we should have our stuff within a week or so.

I'm hoping we get there pretty quickly since school starts for the kids on the 2nd. I know we won't make that though. Not with Jose's final out on the 1st. Just not possible.

I'm having a hard time with not being so close to my Dad. He is having a hard time too. We have been getting ready to face it, but now that it's staring at us, within a week even, it's hard to come to terms with not seeing him whenever we want to. Sigh

I'm going to miss seeing him. We have bonded so much more since we moved here. Dad has gotten to see the kids grow over the last five years. He has gotten to see their unique personalities, etc. Now, we are going to be far away again. Even though we are still in the US, we might as well be overseas.

I'm torn. We hate this place, but I love being close to Dad. I'm so excited about going to Florida, living in such a beautiful place, the new surroundings, etc. I'm heartsick about not being within two hours of my Dad. What if he gets sick again? What if the Diabetes acts up? What if he has another heart attack?

I just have all of this running through my head. Sigh.

Whirlwind trip to Cali

Over the fourth of July weekend, J's mom was put in the hospital. Her heart stopped three times, they couldn't find a reason and sent her home. Last week, she had a stress test, failed miserably. I mean, she was hooked up, stood on the treadmill, and FAILED. The doctor admitted her and wanted to run an angiogram to see if there was blockage in her heart. We knew there wouldn't be, she is very health conscious. There was no blockage. Her bp was so weak they thought she would die but she's ALWAYS had low bp. They decided to put a pacemaker in, to regulate her heartbeat and it would also control the amount of beats per minute. Friday the pacemaker was put in and Jose and I decided we needed to be there. We flew out Saturday morning.

We get there and she is pale, weak, and looking very, very bad. We knew we did the right thing by flying out. We couldn't take the kids and didn't really want them to see her like that, which was best actually. She got home from the hospital the day we arrived because she would not stay at the hospital. We got to the house before she got home from the hospital. She walked in with help from Chava (Jose's dad) and looked at us. She started to SOB. It was so gut wrenching. We knew that the expense and hardship were worth that moment alone. She clung to him like a child. She looked so small and sad. I realized her mortality at that moment. She just wouldn't let go of him, she was sobbing and it was so hard. We were all crying after that.

We spent the next two and a half days telling her to STOP trying to take care of everyone else and rest. That her body needed her to slow down. She looked better each day. When we left she was walking better than we had seen her walk in a while. She had color in her skin again, she wasn't as tired. We knew it was the best she'd been in a long time.

What is so hard to realize is, she isn't that old. She is only in her 50's, she shouldn't be this sick. It has always been Chava that had the heart problems, the one we thought we'd get that midnight call about. Now we have to readjust our view of them. Chava is taking care of Cuca now, he even cooks her meals. It is a huge change.

We came home and are trying to get ready to move out of here and get to Florida. Things are so chaotic right now. We just need to get this move done. With this new added worry, it's difficult to move further away from Cali.

My MIL told me she was sorry for all of the years of hardship she gave me. All of the things she said, everything she did to show me that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't part of the "family". She had been different to me for the last few years (5) anyway, I knew I had worked my way in. But her apologizing, it made me cry. We held each other and I feel like a daughter now. I love her and the past is over, that is what I said to her. It doesn't matter, the past is the past. Jose and his Dad were in tears too.

After 10 years of marriage I felt the shift from his family. Now it has been 14 years of marriage and I know that we are all on the right path. I feel so loved and accepted now. Even Jose's dad who wouldn't do more than grunt in my direction in the early years, hugs me, talks to me, accepts me. It was a cathartic visit for all of us. I'm so glad that so much healing could happen to us all.

I know I'll blog on this more later, I'm still tired and really just emotionally sore after this weekend. I need to let all of this sink in. It took 10 years to be accepted instead of tolerated. The last four to feel as a fringe relative, to be accepted. I know it will take some time for me to digest this new phase. I'm just really happy right now about the relationships and the way we left them in Cali.

Getting old.............

Last week something new happened in my life. Heartburn. Something I never faced as a pregnant woman. Hard to believe, four pregnancies and not one bout of heartburn. Anyway, last week in the middle of the night, I wake up to a feeling I have NEVER felt before, for a while there I seriously thought I was having a heart attack. Wondered if I could call 911 on myself, the pain was so unbelievable. The whole middle of my body, all the way around my back felt like I was being stabbed with a hot knife, over and over again.

I didn't do anything about it but suffer. At first I thought, it must have been that brownie I ate. I can't possibly have become allergic to chocolate, I considered suicide at that thought. ;O Then I wondered if it were the aforementioned heart attack. I didn't know what was wrong with me, after about 2.5 hours of serious pain (greater than childbirth in some respects) it went away. Whew, big sigh of relief!!

A few days later, I tempted to eat another brownie (liken it to getting pregnant again after a horrible birth, you DO tend to forget). So, no pain. A big sigh of relief from me, I'll tell ya! Then last night, I wake up at about 4 am, again with that horrible pain. I took a flexeril (didn't even take the edge off) waited for about 30 minutes for the pain pill to kick in. Nope, didn't work. Then I took a naproxen, hoping THAT would tame the monster pain. Nope. So I get up and decide to look up heartburn online.

Thank the GODS for google. I type in that handy dandy little box "heartburn relief" and find a few million hits. Well, I start clicking through my pain. I find that peppermint will take care of it. I grab a fuzzy mint from my purse (glad those things were shrink wrapped, but I would have eaten it from the sidewalk to get rid of that pain). In about 10 minutes the horrible pain was GONE. I was amazed.

So now I've realized that after the traumas of pregnancy/birth/lots of good food, etc. My body is starting to hate me. What have I done to you?!?! Haven't I given in to every whim and desire? Haven't I skipped that exercise we both loathe? Haven't I been good to you (in every bad way of course)??? Sigh, time to start taking better care I guess. At least I can put forth an effort.

On a different note about the same topic. Sally and I took the monsters, errrrr, kids to the pool out by her house yesterday. We were cringing as we watched the kids doing flips off the diving board. We reminisced about doing wild things in our younger days. I never had fear of pain as much as I do now as a grown up.

I seriously think that is what stops us as adults from doing physical harm to ourselves, fear! Seriously think about the things you did as a child. Would you do HALF of them now? Not me, I'll tell ya that much.

I used to be fine with driving a car without a seat belt, now I get pissed at strangers for not using theirs. I've turned into a huge MOM. lol. I wouldn't wear a helmet when riding a bike, I would flip off the diving boards, back flip even. I would run across the street not caring if a car was half a block away (or less). I would do many of the things I warn my kids not to do.

So, I'm 32 and I'm old. At least I don't wear my pants up under my boobs (or is it boobs down to the pants? hmmmm......). At least I'm not decrepit yet. YET. Talk to me in a few years. Maybe when I'm 42? lol

Leaving the Asscrack of America (for a few days)

Jose graduates on Thursday from NCOA. I'm driving down there to spend a few days with him. My dad is taking the kids. This is going to be the last time for a long while that we get to spend some time alone.

Once we move to Florida, there won't be family close by to take them for a day or so. We are used to going off on our own at least once a year. That's going to suck. lol Weird what you get spoiled about.

Hopefully we'll enjoy our last days alone together. ;)

The wound that never heals

My best friend had court today to finish hashing out custody of her daughter with her ex (heretofore to be known as Assjuice or AJ for short).

Now, a little background, I have been friends w/ her for 9 years. She was married to AJ when we first met in England. She left AJ, and moved to Oklahoma. We later got stationed 20 miles from where she lived.

Anyhow, it has taken five years to settle this issue (it's not settled b/c AJ likes to f*ck with my friends life). So as I sat there listening in court, I just became so down about the whole process. It's so depressing to realize that something so big (marriage) ended this way. With a child being hurt. A child that is afraid to say what she wants. A child that must forever have two different addresses, a life split in half because two people couldn't make their marriage work.

I understand that marriages fail all the time. I guess I have a certain insight since I was a child of divorce. It's a wound that never heals. There always has to be sides. The "good" parent and the "bad" parent. And of course there are the rules of play. One parent bashing the other so the child thinks badly about someone who created them. The other parent who is the "fun" parent.

Being a kid is hard enough without having that added stress. I just want to fast forward her life so that the pain and hurt to come will not leave a scar. I see her future and it's painful to watch from the front row.

I try to tell my friend to take the high road (which she does, EVERY SINGLE TIME) that it will get better in time, that E will see with her own eyes and heart what her AJ father is doing to her emotionally. I want to take the pain. I want............ I want to make things better for my best friend and her daughter.

Not only is my friend and her daughter being hurt by this, her other children are as well. They are losing out on their sisters time. I wish that I had been given a bigger role in my sister's life.

In the end, all I can do is be available to my friend and her daughter. Sometimes life just sucks.

Sleeping in?

Why is it that during the school year I must DRAG my younger children (7 & 5) out of bed at 7:00 am but during summer vacation they are up at the crack ass of dawn? Now, that doesn't bother me, what bothers me is them coming in and waking ME up at the crack ass of dawn.

It doesn't matter what time they go to bed. 7:30 is their normal bedtime. Even if I let them stay up till midnight, they are not sleeping in. What is with that? They refuse to nap (I WANT A NAP!!) and they are cranky as hell.

They really don't realize that their lives are in jeopardy if I hear that disgusting whine come from them again. (Not really for those of you that don't know me) Seriously though, I wish school would start. LOL.

I don't remember being in the house this much as a kid. A friend and I were talking about this last week. Jose and I also discussed this. He says I'm to easy on the kids, I need to toss them out and that's that. They make excuses to stay in the house. LOL. Excuses such as, "Is it lunchtime yet" or "I haven't eaten yet" that great oldie but goodie, "I'm thirsty" Since there are four of them, they coordinate to constantly have the door swinging open and closed. Never closed for long mind you.

Anyway, Sally and I were discussing this last week, about how we were locked out, handed sandwiches through the window, and had to (gasp!!!) drink from the hose. Since we were girls, we were occasionally allowed in the house to pee, but we were monitored from behind the closed door. As soon as the toilet flushed, we were ushered back to the door, with a loud clicking of the lock hitting home as our sendoff.

Maybe we are too easy on the kids. They must constantly be entertained. I know some of it is our fault. We lived in England for a long time, it was ugly and cold most of the year. Then we get here to Oklahoma and it's HOT and humid.

Maybe I should try and be more like Mom (DID THAT REALLY COME FROM ME?!?!) and throw them out. Hmm. You know, she doesn't remember ever actually throwing us out. I wonder if my memory will go when I have grandchildren.

Back to sleeping in, sorry for the digression. LOL. I want to go back to sleep. I guess as soon as I'm old enough to pee with the door closed again, I'll get to sleep in. Too bad I'll be incontinent then and no longer wish to sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch.

Enjoy the summer. :P

Creation is hard work!

I've finally gotten into the whole blog thing. I don't think I'm that interesting actually, so this is a test to see if I can keep up. I know that I'm a fun person to be around, hang out, etc. I just don't know how well that will transfer to a blog. My quick wit and cutting remarks sometimes sound a lot snarky when taken without inflection. LOL.

We are getting ready to move to Florida. I'm actually quite nervous since we have never moved from one state to another. Whenever we've moved it's been overseas, so this is a whole new issue for us. I'm worried about finding a decent place to rent, a place that will take dogs, we can't live without Sammie girl! We just can't. It's hard enough right now, since she is staying at my Dad's house. We miss her! :(

Jose is still away at school. He graduates next Thursday. I'm so tired of this being apart crap. Life just seems that much harder whenever he is away. It's something we deal with constantly. Part of something that it seems I should be used to after all this time. Unfortunately, it isn't easier. It seems to get harder. Having a man that is not only my husband, but my best friend, my soul mate is wonderful but makes the separations that much harder.

Military life is so unglamorous. LOL.

I think that's enough for today. Don't want to bore people. Sorry if I already have, you don't have to subject yourselves to this. ;)

I'll get some pics posted pretty soon. Still figuring this whole thing out. Re: Still figuring out if this will be worth the effort. :P